Awful Facebook Status

Honesty is a tough pill to swallow

2008-12-18T21:00:00.000-08:00

Well, you did accept his friend request.
-Thanks to Stevey T

Thanks for the honesty

2008-12-17T15:19:00.000-08:00

I prefer to keep my drug addictions on the DL but what do I know.

-Thanks to RDuff

So you've decided to ace your finals...

2008-12-10T11:27:00.000-08:00

For all you college kids, you're probably knee deep in finals week right now. You're probably so hopped up on Adderoll and coffee that you've forgotten what it's like to have fun. Well don't worry, Mr. or Mrs. Coed; because you've got AFS's playlist for success. Make a playlist of the following songs and listen to them while walking to your final and we guarantee you'll ace it. (yes, we can put money on that.)
1. "Take me home tonight" by Eddie Money. However, you may not want to sing it out loud or that girl in front of you might think you're really creepy.
2. "Escape" by Enrique Iglesias. Hey, he did bag Anna Kournikova.
3. "Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani. It's escape, but much sweeter.
4. "The Final Countdown" by Europe. Here's you start getting pumped. Allow the sweet guitar solo to get into your soul. But don't forget to keep your eyes open while walking through campus, no one likes to get bumped into by the half retarded guy singing.
5. "Right Now" by Van Halen. At this time, you should be walking into the building in which your exam is in. You're blood is pumping and that caffeine is kicking in. When you sit down, you now have the confidence that no matter how little you studied last night or how little you attended class throughout the semester, you will ace this final.
*Before walking into your exam, take a 30 second pause. This will give enough time for the lights to be turned off, the smoke machine to be turned on, and the spot light to be put on the door. Once you enter the room, announce to the class that, "I'm here to fuck shit up." Then proceed to take the exam from your professor, punch him in the face, sit down and ace your final.

Nice, Sam

2008-12-06T18:47:00.000-08:00

Jersey girls aren't trash. Trash gets picked up.
-Thanks to Mike BDB

Who doesn't, Andrew?

2008-12-02T09:26:00.000-08:00

It's always been my goal too.
-Thanks to Danielle

Really, ladies?

2008-12-02T09:23:00.000-08:00

I'm not even going to say anything
-Thanks to Mike

Uh oh

2008-11-30T19:01:00.000-08:00

Well, that's one way to let your parents know.
-Thanks to Mike B.

Too easy, Deanna

2008-11-26T14:19:00.001-08:00

I hope that's not a recent picture.
-Thanks to alter Ego

Nicole is sharp

2008-11-26T14:13:00.000-08:00

It's not the heat, it's the humidity. It's not the cold, it's the clear object that one looks through while in an automobile.

-Many thanks to TJ

Holly doesn't need much

2008-11-23T16:09:00.000-08:00

I'm sure she's not the high-maintenance dramatic type. Not at all.
-Thanks to Nomis, again.

I feel awful, Tabitha

2008-11-23T16:07:00.000-08:00

Who names their daughter Tabitha?

-Thanks to nomis

Welcome back, everyone

2008-11-16T23:46:00.000-08:00

We're back. For good. Damn it feels nice.

-Thanks to Tom for the FB status

Thank you, everyone

2008-10-21T15:22:00.000-07:00

Hey guys. No awful status here, just a big thanks. It's been about a month since we started this thing and we've almost hit 1,000 views; which is much more than we could have ever expected. You guys have kept this site going and it won't go anywhere without you.
If you've noticed, there has been a little drop in the amount of posts recently. We are still checking the email multiple times a day but the amount of statuses you guys are sending in is diminishing. We can't do this alone-we need you guys. If you don't know how to send stuff in, just check the top of the site; it lists all the instructions.
To help, we're going to start a couple new things. We're going to mention whoever sent each status in whenever it's put up on the site. Also, We want you guys to send in stuff besides Facebook statuses. If you see anything that gives you the urge to embarrass someone, send it in. Whether it's a album picture, AIM away status, profile picture or whatever, it is more than welcome. The more people we make fun of, the better.
Thank you to everyone once again, AFS is nothing without you.
-AFS

Yup, it's real

2008-10-15T16:46:00.000-07:00

We've been looking for years but we've finally found the biggest symbol of douchebagery ever

Congratulations

2008-10-14T12:44:00.000-07:00

Maybe the tooth fairy will visit you tonight.

Amanda is sexy

2008-10-08T20:41:00.000-07:00

You did too?!?!

They are dating.

2008-10-08T20:40:00.000-07:00

No lube?

O, boy

2008-10-07T20:59:00.000-07:00

Well, Rita, no one can say you didn't try.

What a great tv line up

2008-10-07T19:53:00.000-07:00

You don't deserve to even study statistics watching crap like that.

We're all jealous, Jefferson

2008-10-05T20:21:00.000-07:00

With a name like Jefferson, the best FACE PAINT! and the fact he's shit faced!!!, we are all a little less cool standing next to Jefferson.

Jennette is not happy

2008-10-02T10:17:00.000-07:00

Her one-week facebook relationship ended. How tragic.

Sweet story, Regina

2008-09-28T16:35:00.000-07:00

Getting ruffied will do that to you, Regina.

Lauren is smart

2008-09-25T15:18:00.000-07:00

Lauren is retarded

Kayla is DTF

2008-09-23T20:48:00.000-07:00

By the looks of her picture, Kayla is also down to do it multiple times.

The puppy who lost its way

2008-09-21T17:49:00.000-07:00

Tina was so upset she needed to get some extra cash for her pizza delivery.

Jimmy caught a cold

2008-09-21T17:48:00.001-07:00

Jimmy needs his fix.

I think Chris likes to dance

2008-09-19T08:10:00.000-07:00

Dancing is for strippers, dancing is for lap dances, dancing is for $1 in g-strings

Brian wears banana hammocks

2008-09-18T17:43:00.001-07:00

Brian deserves a foot up his ass from Red Forman.

This is too good not to post

2008-09-18T17:43:00.000-07:00

I hope this guy writes back on her wall, "u 2"

Carlos has crabs

2008-09-16T18:13:00.000-07:00

Usually crabs does that to people, Carlos.

Kim is nuts

2008-09-15T15:00:00.000-07:00

I feel awful for the people that raised her.

"The Jeff" is cooler than you

2008-09-14T12:13:00.000-07:00

With a name like "The Jeff" I would've expected at least two straight hours on the pong table. It's time to get your weight up, The Jeff.

Nick is classy

2008-09-14T12:08:00.000-07:00

It doesn't take too much imagination to realize why his right arm is out of commission.

No, you're not Hasheem

2008-09-14T12:07:00.000-07:00

You actually are atoolwithtoomuchtimeonhishands

Nate can't hide the truth

2008-09-12T13:14:00.000-07:00

It's actually translated to "Nate is outrageously excited for the new season of Gossip Girls"

Mary deserves a medal

2008-09-12T12:35:00.001-07:00

I think we all should be happy for Mary. She is obviously done caring about how crappy her statuses are.

Missy has issues

2008-09-11T13:14:00.000-07:00

Get your act together, Missy, you're falling apart.

FINALLY

2008-09-10T14:03:00.001-07:00

Thank God

Nick got blue balled

2008-09-09T19:55:00.000-07:00

I think Nick should have used those "gigantic balls" to talk to this girl in person. But what do I know? Real men put their feelings up on Facebook.

what up BRO? that popped collar is so sick

2008-09-09T16:25:00.000-07:00

I hope this guy gets sent to Guantonamo.

Greg is hood as hell

2008-09-09T16:19:00.000-07:00

Greg's mom doesn't let him use curse words on the internet. But he's still a bad ass.

Megan is a drama queen

2008-09-09T16:06:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing that makes Facebook as bad as Myspace it's applications. And girls send more of those things than tri-Delt gives out herpes. So thank God Megan still has the gift that keeps on giving.

Andrew needs a hug

2008-09-08T22:17:00.001-07:00

Poor kid

Mary thinks we care

2008-09-08T22:03:00.000-07:00

You know what I was wondering this morning when I woke up? I was wondering what Mary's entire schedule for the day was. Thank God I know now!

Sept, 9, 2008

2008-09-08T21:40:00.000-07:00

Welcome, guys. I'm creating this because I bet my roommate Camber that I'd make more money than him. And, awful Facebook statuses really suck.

Usually, these come from girls, but when a guy puts a line up like this, it's too good to pass up.